Comments on Diamonds and Toads: The Most Wicked Of Them All

As a stepmother, I am slightly saddened by this po...

2010-10-28T06:49:25.169-07:00

As a stepmother, I am slightly saddened by this post. On the other hand, I thought it to be slightly funny as well. I also have a stepmother, who I adore, and my last child is named after. I have a wonderful relationship with her and have jokingly called her my “wicked stepmother” from time to time. I do think it is a bit odd that stepmothers are continually portrayed as wicked and vicious in fairy tales. I also think that it does have something to do with the Oedipal and Elektra complexes discussed in many a psychology class. Naturally, the children of stepmothers are going to have some slight competitive feelings toward her, especially when it comes to the affections of the father. But also, an experience I have endured, conflict arises out of the fear that the stepmother is attempted to replace the birth mother, regardless if she is dead or alive.
Vanessa R.

Now in days society is learning from movies, book,...

2010-02-08T15:18:27.922-08:00

Now in days society is learning from movies, book, games, etc. that they don’t listen to anything else. With kids reading and watching fairy tales they do learn to treat people differently from how people treat in the stories. With having a stepmother or stepfather they might think they are going to be the same way as Cinderella’s stepmother. The stepmother has to prove to the kids and the father that she does care about the children and does want to have a normal life. The kids are the other way around, terrified of the stepmother because of watching the movies of how stepmothers are with the children. With mistreating them and having them do everything in the house, like a servant. I was surprised of how many stories there are of stepmothers, 900 stories. I have only heard a few, but I would like to read other stories how of terrible they are describing a stepparent mostly a stepmother.
I think a lot of times stepmothers want to be treated like they were their real mother and it doesn’t work that way. Maybe some kids will accept them that way but a lot of them treat them like strangers for the first time because they are not and will never be their real mother. The stepmother just has to accept being the stepmother and nothing else.

Maria G.

I feel that for some, fairytales do create a stigm...

2010-02-07T15:59:01.506-08:00

I feel that for some, fairytales do create a stigma for many step relationships. I know when I learned that I had a stepmother I immediately thought “Oh no she is going to hate me or do I hate her” it was a rather confusing concept. However for the most part we get along well but sometimes I feel like she is competing with me for my father’s attention, which is sad and a bit scary. I agree rather than point the blame at fairytales, stepmothers should try to just accept their fate and treat their stepchildren as if they were their own, and not worry that one child is getting more than the other. There is already enough competition between stepchildren and biological children, stepmothers just add fuel to the fire when they get involved. It is not just sad but it is pathetic, because in most cases the stepchild just wants to love the stepmother.

I definitely agree with Alyssa that the appearance...

2010-02-07T13:56:14.266-08:00

I definitely agree with Alyssa that the appearance of wicked stepmothers in fairytales can have terrible effects on stepmothers, as well as stepfathers, today. It was shocking to read that there are over nine-hundred stories written about wicked stepmothers. This fact makes it certain that nearly every child is exposed to the idea of a wicked stepmother. In this way they will learn to stereotype any stepparent that they may have, but especially a stepmother. I am not an official stepmother because my boyfriend and I aren’t married, but I do live with him and his son from a previous relationship as well as with our own son. For the sake of this comment I’m going to refer to my boyfriend’s older son as my stepson. Although I care about my stepson very much and would do anything for him as if he were my own, I can definitely tell there are differences between the ways I feel I can act when it comes to my stepson and my biological son. With my stepson I always feel like I can’t tell him what to do and I can’t punish him if he does something wrong because he will then label me as his “wicked stepmom.” I feel like I’m constantly having to prove to him that I’m really nice and not this horrible person that is planning to steal his dad from him.

Tara K. T390

2. I have to agree with what Alyssa is saying here...

2010-02-05T07:17:59.656-08:00

2. I have to agree with what Alyssa is saying here. Now days a lot of parents are getting divorced and remarrying. With young children growing up watching these movies and looking up to them, as we almost all do when we’re little, people wonder why their children stay distant from their stepmothers. I remember growing up as child and my parents divorcing when I was 3 threes old. My dad remarried and I instantly thought I was going to end up like Snow White or Cinderella. These fairy tales movies were my world and no one really explained to me the ‘real’ story. I was scared and pushed myself away from my stepmother and it put a strain on a lot of relationships with my family for quite awhile. So, I do agree that parents need to be more aware of what is going on in these fairy tales and explain to their children that real stepmothers are not like the ones we watch in the movies.
Brittany C.

I totally agree with Myth of Sisyphus when she sai...

2010-02-02T10:31:13.698-08:00

I totally agree with Myth of Sisyphus when she said “a balance needs to be struck”. Not all step-mothers are jealous or evil and vindictive of her husband’s children. I think that with the numerous fairy tale stories out there representing this notion, children grow up fearing this idea. I also think the same could be applied to step-fathers or even foster parents. Basically anyone who is not the natural biological parent of a child falls into the fear of being thought of as the “wicked” step parent, and therefore are more lenient with their spouse’s children than their own, especially, if they only have weekend visitation.
I was fortunate in that my step-mother is a gem, I love her like my own mom, and my step fathers have been for the most part very accepting of me and treated me like their own.
Although I have not had the experience of being a step-mother yet, I can see how one would be more lenient on a step child to earn their love or try and keep peace in the household. I pray that if I am privileged to experience this I’ll be able to be the step-mother to my husband’s children that mine is to me.
Kristi S. T390

Great post. I totally agree. The things we read ...

2009-12-27T09:50:13.906-08:00

Great post. I totally agree. The things we read to children very much influence their perception of certain things... and that is just another one of them. But what then do we do? Should our children stop reading fairy tales because there are underlying influences? Well, parents need to spend more time talking to their children bout those little facts of life

Happy Holidays!!!

hmm, I wonder if the Evil Stepmother archetype is ...

2009-12-25T19:08:43.582-08:00

hmm, I wonder if the Evil Stepmother archetype is the shadow of the Good Mother in part because her main familial interest (at least initially) is the husband and not the children, a violation of the standard maternal role in the classic mother-father-child family trinity. Are there any fairy tales or marchen in which the mother is both good and sexual, social, or focused on anything besides house-keeping? Any herbalist ladies or midwife mamas - they existed, but were they recorded in the stories?

Another thought is that these tales originated from a time when young women needed dowries and young men needed a piece of the family land or business, and more children meant less of a share. When resources are strapped, life can get rough. Also, does anyone know if women could inherit property, etc., or would it go directly to the kids? Would a step-mother have a way of providing for the family if her husband died, or would she have to remarry? All important questions to think about, when you consider the family dynamics of the times, though not questions I know enough to answer...

I learn something everytime I visit u!:) Just want...

2009-12-24T20:32:52.904-08:00

I learn something everytime I visit u!:) Just wanted 2 wish u and yours HAPPY HOLIDAYS;)

I agree entirely with Alyssa on this one. The step...

2009-12-24T03:10:42.203-08:00

I agree entirely with Alyssa on this one. The stepmother stereotype is ingrained in our subconscious from a very early age and we are preconditioned against the idea.

So stepmothers are forced to bend over backwards to show virtuosity and kindness in a way that biological mothers don't have to.

My stepmother (who is a gem and one of my very dearest friends too now) says that she always felt like she could not say no, or not ground me or had to give in in cases where she wouldn't have done if I had been her biological child because she was worried about this preconceived notion of 'wicked stepmother'.

I think a balance needs to be struck between the two.

Your students always bring up some really interest...

2009-12-23T09:11:27.299-08:00

Your students always bring up some really interesting ways to look at fairy tales!