We editors at EnchantedConversation.org are hard at work putting together the final issue of 2010, and it's got a "Hansel and Gretel" theme. Since we started EC this year, the quality of writing we've had the pleasure to evaluate, edit, and publish has been superb -- and never more so than with the upcoming issue, which should be published the last week of this month.To give D&T readers a taste of what's to come, this post features a story by one of our favorite Enchanted Conversation writers: Cathy C. Hall. Cathy is a freelance writer and humor columnist who lives in the metro Atlanta area. When she’s not writing funny essays about her life, she writes articles about real stuff. But sometimes she just makes up wild tales. Find out more at www.cathy-c-hall.com.
Enjoy Cathy's charming take on the "wicked" witch's point of view in the story of "Hansel and Gretel."
Not Exactly Innocent
A witch? Pooh! A witch! That’s absurd, young man.
The entire situation is absurd! Why, I’m lucky to be alive. If not for that propitious malfunction, the authorities would be scraping up my ashes rather than scraping together details of the last few days. But, no. Here I sit, the victim in this tale, stuck in this stuffy room and forced to give my version of the events. Meanwhile, the guilty party is off on a spending spree, courtesy of their ill-gotten gains.
It’s an absolute outrage! But as I have always been a law-abiding citizen, I shall endeavor to set the record straight, as they say.
Crunch, crunch, crunch, that’s how it started. Yes, write it down. C-R-U--N-C-H. And a very LOUD crunch, crunch, crunch it was. I stepped out of my cottage -- and I do take pride in my utilitarian and delicious home -- to find some snip of a boy EATING one of my walls! Hank… or Harold… or what? Yes, all right, Hansel. There he stood, stuffing his face, he was, with nougat and gingerbread and whatever else he could gets his grubby little hands on. And handing over piece after piece to that sister of his, Grape.
Pardon? Gretel, Grape, what’s the difference? She was chomping down on a windowpane! How were these children raised, I ask you, to come up to someone’s home and make a meal of it?
But I am not a wicked woman, sir. In fact, I greeted them pleasantly enough. “Come in,” I said in my sweetest voice, “Come in.” I wanted to put them at ease, two young children like that, all alone in the forest. I invited them into my treat of a home, for a little… sustenance. And shelter, of course. I fancy myself quite the gracious hostess, you know.
So you can just imagine my shock when I heard about this grisly notion that the two of them dreamt up! Accusing me of fattening them up so I could EAT them? It’s preposterous! The truth is, this morbid idea stems from the silliest of misunderstandings. I suppose I might have said, “I could you eat up!” once, maybe even twice. But goodness, what loving and doting grandmother hasn’t said that? It’s a harmless expression, sir. I had no idea they’d take it so literally.
Though I’ll grant you that they were skin and bones when they first arrived. No more meat on them than would feed a chicken! Perhaps I pinched a cheek or two, or grabbed a finger, just to be certain that they were getting their fill of food. But that’s entirely reasonable behavior under the starving circumstances in which they appeared, munching away on my doorstep.
What’s that? The cage? Oh, for pity’s sake. There was NO cage. Again, that is a simple misunderstanding, a typical childish way of interpreting the world. That greedy one, the boy, was eating me out of house and home! I had to do something to protect my property. But what could I do? Throw the dearies out into the forest?
Fortunately, I had a gate that fit rather snugly in the doorway of a room. One of those childproof gates, that’s all, very handy for keeping little ones safe. I expect, to a small boy, pressed up against the bars, it could seem like a terrible, horrible cage. But it was just the teensiest bit of a barrier. It almost makes me smile, to think how these children have exaggerated!
The point is, sir, that nothing untoward occurred in that cottage. That little boy was fed and cared for every single day. As was his sister, who came and went as she pleased.
Speaking of which, she’s the one who should be locked up! I depended on her for help, half-blind as I am, and what did I get? Grease on my glasses, pushed into an oven, and left for a crisp!
You hadn’t heard about the grease, had you? She smeared that horrid lard on my spectacles, she did, even though she knew I had difficulty with my vision. Made a complete mess of them, and for what? Who knows why children do what they do? Why would the girl think I said we were having roast boy for lunch?
Roast BEEF, I said to her. “Light the oven, we’re having tasty roasted BEEF today!” And the next thing you know, swoosh, I’m stuffed into the oven, with the door padlocked! If that oven fire hadn’t gone out, I wouldn’t be here today. No, I’d be nothing but cinders. And those two, that Horace and Grippa, would have gotten away with murder! Not to mention the matter of a small fortune in gold they pilfered while I crouched, singed and sooty, in my own oven!
Mind you, those are two very clever children. If I’d heard it once, I’d heard it a thousand times, how they left a trail of stones so they could find their way back through the forest. Hah! But when they left a trail of breadcrumbs, well, that wasn’t so smart, was it?
Of course, now the doctors are discussing their “abandonment” issues. Well, I shouldn’t wonder at all that dear old dad and stepmother wanted them out of the house. I’ve lived with those two, and believe me, they’re not exactly innocent.
And if I were you, I’d take a closer look into that family environment. I suspect there’s much more to the stepmother’s untimely demise than meets the eye. But I’ve said enough. And now, if there’s nothing more, I have some rather engaging business to attend.
Hmmm? Oh, it’s my daughter, Rapunzel. She lives ever so much further into the woods, but I do try to visit her whenever I can. Poor girl, she’ll be pulling her hair out, wondering what’s happened. Ah, me. As I often told Harvey and Gristle, sir. A wi-, er, woman’s work is never done.
Altered image from GraphicsFairy.com
21 comments:
Haha, I loved that! Very refreshing to hear something different from the original. :)
What a twist on an old tale! I just wonder WHO is not exactly innocent here. Hmmm....
Good one, Cathy! Love the bit about how were these children raised that they go eating someone's house - too funny!
(For some reason, I kept picturing the "Law & Order" cops interrogating her - what that says about me, I don't know.) :)
Well Done!
Reminds me of Fractured Fairytails...er, is anyone else old enough to remember them? anyway, I love this and am passing around the link:)
Oh, I LOVED Fractured Fairy Tales! Thanks for the lovely comments, too!
Fun, Cathy!Love your take on this.
Hillarious! A different point of view indeed. Who would have thought the witch could muster up a defense for her actions?
Hilarious, Cathy! What an awesome twist! You are so creative!
I enjoyed reading this take on “Hansel and Gretel”. The idea of writing in a different perspective, particularly the villain’s, reminds me of the story “Wicked”. I found this story, however, on a different plane than “Wicked.” With “Not Exactly Innocent,” I was entertained, and made to think, “hmm this could be true”. I found myself believing parts of the woman’s side of the story through the end when she slipped. It is always interesting to see other characters’ perspectives when reading common stories. It makes me wonder really what is going on in the minds of the “villains” in the fairy tales. Although the witch’s side of the story in this version seemed to be fabricated, the cover-up is still an interesting take on what really could have been happening in the story of “Hansel and Gretel” if what was told by the two was a lie or misconception.
Karen W.
This tale has been one of my favorite reads so far. The imagery that you contract form this piece is highly entertaining. I imagine a stocky old woman with an English accent or some proper accent sitting in a rocking chair telling her side of the story to a reporter. The plot is about a “misunderstanding.” The witch blames it on the ludicrous imagination of the children. It’s a brilliant story. It is such an innovative aspect of the “Hansel & Gretel” tale. Humor is one of the best aspects to have in a tale. I also love how the witch is also Rapunzel’s mother. However, this story has a lot of aspects that were also brought up in class. For instance, Hansel putting breadcrumbs down in the forest. First of all, why didn’t they both eat them? If Hansel is older than Gretel he should’ve taken the lead in the story, because at the time, that is how male children were taught. If the dominant male is absent, the son takes over. Age isn’t a factor due to the fact that it would have been instilled from a younger age. –Amy F.
This is very interesting story seeing it from different perspective. In essence, the witch in this tale is viewed as an ordinary and friendly person, whereas in the original version she is devilish creature. The focus of the witch is that she is helping the two children in their body needs and nourishments because the children are poorly fed. Cathy, points out that the witch is not the antagonist in this story, but the savior and protector of the children. Everything that the children see in the witch’s house they misunderstand because their lack of maturity. Children even day, in modern culture see the world egocentrically, meaning that they see it in their own perspective. As result, children are putting their lives in risk, for the fact, that a child could only see only so much at a certain age.
In her writing, she describes that the children are not although, innocent as one assumes because they are involved in such sinful acts. This is one of the many reasons, that the absence of a mother and father nourishment, often lead children to endure themselves into trouble. Indeed, parents do have a major impact in their performances. This story shows the lack of parenthood at a young age leads children to suffer emotionally, psychologically and mentally. It is true, that parents are needed for support, advice and nourishment.
~Mary Cruz A.
Kelsea T
Off Topic
Lady Gaga’s Song Monster is about a man. She calls him a wolf. Then goes on to say that she does not really remember who he was and that they might have had a sexual encounter. She goes on to say that he was in disguise, and that he had his paws on her. And finally he ate her heart. Now this is a little further than Little Red Riding Hood’s story. But there are still many similar details. The wolf does dress up as grandma, and Red does get into bed with him in the story. I think that Gaga’s version is what we try to believe was really going on for the wolf. Because, we did call men who were predators to girls wolves. And this wolf just so happens to get her where he wants her, before he eats her heart. The heart is one of the main organs in the body, and he eats hers to gain power. Gaga’s Monster is pretty much a dirty version of Little Red Riding Hood.
This story is great! The woman who is accused of the being a wicked witch is never given the opportunity to tell her side of the story. The encounter is told from the children’s perspective. They are portrayed to be the victims of the tale. They are the once that have damaged the women’s house. Still the question of why the house was made of editable substances is still never addressed, or how. How is a house constructed of gingerbread? I am by no means a talented cook or baker, nor the most creative. I have however tried to make a little gingerbread house from a kit around the holidays. It wasn’t a pretty site, and caved in on itself. Food doesn’t seem like the best building material. How it was kept from spoiling or being eaten by woodland creatures is another set of questions as well. The description given from a different perspective shows how easily misunderstandings can occur.
Erin D.
October 30, 2010
This is a very cute story I thought that it had a nice twist, in letting the witch tell her side of the story. I think I mentioned in class how I thought that Hansel and Gretel didn’t seem very innocent in the first place. I believe that the witch is right, when she goes on to say that she knew the reason why their parents didn’t want them home in the first place. I never understood why the children would assume that it would be okay to find a house in the middle of the forest and start eating it. It seemed to me that their parents did not teach them manners very well. They were mean to the witch and accused her of, trying to eat them, when all she really did was be nice in offering them a home and a nice meal. If we really think about it the witch’s side of the story it seems pretty accurate, she has an explanation for everything that happened in the story. I believe that this was a very good version of Hansel and Gretel probably the best I have heard.
Serene I.
What a great read! It can be so much fun and quite interesting to see the story from a much different view point. Now I don’t believe the witch for one minute, but I don’t doubt that she may believe herself. The story was very detailed, but almost too detailed to be the truth. She sounds practiced, and after hearing the children’s names why can’t she remember them? It all seems like a play to make her sound like an innocent old lady to the authorities. Her tale seems to be way to closely tied with what the children say, only certain words or phrases are changed to suit her best interest. If she can remember they were having roast beast for dinner, than yet again, how can she not remember their names? Another problem with her side of the story is herself proclaimed goodness. If the children were so starving then why was she so offended by them eating, and if that was so offensive, why invite these gluttonous children in to eat more?
Who let the witch out! Her wicked ways not only had to try and seduce the children but they allowed her to escape her own punishment. If this is the outcome of the tale, than the story isn’t over for Hansel and Gretel. No villain leaves such unfinished business, especially if they have been duped by two young children. The only grace period for them is the witch’s unfortunate interest in Rapunzel, poor poor girl. Kristy K.
I like the witch’s point of view because even though in the fairy tale they make them seem innocent of anything, they really aren’t very innocent because they were destroying the witch’s house and eating it. I am sure they could’ve asked the witch if they could have a piece of her house, as opposed to just rudely unmannered eating someone else’s house. Another thing that the witch mentions and as reader of “Hansel and Gretel” we must acknowledge is that she was quite the host. She treated them very nice, fed them very well, and they probably had the best sleep of their night in her house. If we really think about the whole story the children took advantage of the witch and the witch took advantage of the children. Although for some reason the witch’s version doesn’t completely convince me. I also believe that the children aren’t as innocent as they seem to be in the fairy tale; we have to consider they did kill and steal. Whatever the excuse was these events did happen.
I like the witch’s point of view because even though in the fairy tale they make them seem innocent of anything, they really aren’t very innocent because they were destroying the witch’s house and eating it. I am sure they could’ve asked the witch if they could have a piece of her house, as opposed to just rudely unmannered eating someone else’s house. Another thing that the witch mentions and as reader of “Hansel and Gretel” we must acknowledge is that she was quite the host. She treated them very nice, fed them very well, and they probably had the best sleep of their night in her house. If we really think about the whole story the children took advantage of the witch and the witch took advantage of the children. Although for some reason the witch’s version doesn’t completely convince me. I also believe that the children aren’t as innocent as they seem to be in the fairy tale; we have to consider they did kill and steal. Whatever the excuse was these events did happen. Guadalupe G.
This modern version of the witch’s side of the Hansel and Gretel story was very good. I think so far, it’s my favorite one yet. The witch cracks me up at how matter of fact she is about what went on in her home and how nonchalant she is about it all. It is also very funny how she blames everything on the children’s imagination and how they were the real villains in the story and gives a more humorous reason to why the children’s parents tried to get rid of them. The fact that the children might be heathens lightens up the starving to death mood and overall was just my type of story. It really gets me to thinking… Would I believe this witch? I mean how could a woman who can hardly see or get around capture two rambunctious children tag teaming up on her and eating her house right from under her. I see the way my son runs my grandmother ragged some days and even me some days. There really are two sides to every story.
Jenny T
This is a very good story! Never would have thought to take the witches view on things! That is awesome. I loved that everything you thought, like the kids thinking she was evil or she was going to eat them the witch blamed it on the kid’s view of the world and made comments about how greedy they were, because that makes sense. Very interesting twist to things! I can’t really think of the original version the same. It makes me think, hmmm maybe the kids were the greedy stingy ones and the witch was trying to make them behave but the kids version of the story was an evil one because they did not want to behave not getting to eat as much as they wanted, they were being greedy. So of course they would make the witch out to be evil. It’s like the mom or dad that punishes the child for being disobedient, the kids view is that they are evil, when in all reality the mom or dad is helping them in the long run. I really like this story. Very interesting!
Amanda F.
K. Taylor
Off Topic But….
I went to the movies and saw The Next Three Days. At first glance, I thought that the number three was significant, and it reminded me of class. And, then I decided not to think anything of it. Once the movie started, it began three years back from the time that the current events were taking place. Then it fast forwarded to the last three months, then the last three days, then the title finally came into play once we were all caught up. The next three days was the time that the main character had to break his wife out of jail. She was convicted of murder, but was innocent, and he would not let her live her life in the prison. He constructed the most fool proof plan for a jail break that I have ever seen in a movie. The threes throughout the movie kept relating back to the crucifixion of Jesus for me. And at the end of the movie, the woman was free, and the whole family moved to Venezuela.
This was one of the most interesting stories I have read. It was really interesting to hear a different perspective of the original story, something that I would of never thought of. This point of view is an important one because of two reasons in my opinion. The first thing is, that like in every conflict and or story there will always be two sides to it. Here we have to possibility of judging then after having acquired knowledge from both parts the actual kids, and the witch. The second thing that we have to keep in mind and is important when it comes to a second point of view is that as we have learned just because they are fairy tales it does not mean that the hero/heroine will always be correct or tell the truth. I really liked the way that this point of view is put together since many of the arguments that are put in place by the “witch” are very legit. It is not uncommon for kids to always add on a little bit more emotion to some of the things that they share with adults. Children by nature are highly imaginative and fantasize many times with things that are unreal. This then raised a really interesting and great point to the way that the story is shaped and the message that it carries behind it. Jose Magallon.
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