Note: Alyssa did some nifty research for this post. She even gave us Euripides! I love it when students dig into sources and find intriguing things to say. Much more wicked than the witch in the East or even the sisters she had, the wicked stepmother always prevails in the competition of the wickedest. The wicked stepmother appears time and time again in fairy tales. But, why does the wicked stepmother appear so often in children’s tales and what is this ultimately doing for the real (non-wicked) stepmothers of today? I believe this nonstop appearance of the wicked stepmother could be having grave effects on stepmothers today. Euripides is even quoted saying “Better a serpent than a stepmother!” With age-old quotes like this, the future does not look good for the stepmother.
Carolyn Kaufman author of “A Primer on Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious” hypothesizes that the wicked stepmother falls into the category of “the shadow archetype” which is described as the dark side of human nature.” Kaufman says that the wicked stepmother exposes the greedy, proud and envious nature that lies within all humans. This idea is one that inherently sounds positive for the children that are reading stories like Snow White in which her stepmother wanted to kill Snow White because she wanted to be “the fairest of them all.” This well-known quote shows the absolute vanity that the wicked stepmother possesses within this story. Although stories like this showcase the dark side of people and encourage children that these desires are not appropriate, is this the thing that these children are going to remember most about the story or is it the fact that the words wicked and stepmother almost always go together? I think the morals behind the discouragement of vanity and greed are good ones that children need to be taught, I also believe that the constant introduction of the wicked stepmother is teaching children that there is no such thing as a virtuous stepmother.
According to Allison Christian author of “Contesting the Myth of the ‘Wicked Stepmother’" that the research that has been done on the idea of the wicked stepmother and the effect on real stepmothers, “the predominance of the stereotype of the 'wicked stepmother' creates a stigma that places a significant strain on a stepmother's self-esteem and role enactment.” Christian says that this idea that all stepmothers are wicked is making it more difficult for both children to accept a stepmother into the family and is also making it much harder for the stepmother to feel as though she will be accepted into the family. Perhaps this idea of the always wicked stepmother is creating a vicious cycle with both children and the stepmother. The stepmother assumes the children will associate her with Cinderella’s wicked stepmother who “could not tolerate the young child” and in turn “ordered the girl to carry out all the household chores” or Hansel and Gretel’s stepmother who convinces their father to abandon them in the woods therefore the stepmother does not make an attempt at breaking through the mold of wickedness.
According to Nancy K. Recker author of “The Stepmother Myth” there are “over 900 stories written about wicked stepmothers.” Considering that these tales are so common, it is not realistic to believe that a child could not be exposed to this idea of the wicked stepmother. Because blended families are just as common as these tales, the only option for a stepmother is to show the reality of a virtuous stepmother. Instead of blaming fairy tales for ruining relationships between children and stepmothers, we need to encourage stepmothers to prove that they are not all wicked, vain and greedy but instead can be a mother that some children would have never had.
Carolyn Kaufman author of “A Primer on Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious” hypothesizes that the wicked stepmother falls into the category of “the shadow archetype” which is described as the dark side of human nature.” Kaufman says that the wicked stepmother exposes the greedy, proud and envious nature that lies within all humans. This idea is one that inherently sounds positive for the children that are reading stories like Snow White in which her stepmother wanted to kill Snow White because she wanted to be “the fairest of them all.” This well-known quote shows the absolute vanity that the wicked stepmother possesses within this story. Although stories like this showcase the dark side of people and encourage children that these desires are not appropriate, is this the thing that these children are going to remember most about the story or is it the fact that the words wicked and stepmother almost always go together? I think the morals behind the discouragement of vanity and greed are good ones that children need to be taught, I also believe that the constant introduction of the wicked stepmother is teaching children that there is no such thing as a virtuous stepmother.
According to Allison Christian author of “Contesting the Myth of the ‘Wicked Stepmother’" that the research that has been done on the idea of the wicked stepmother and the effect on real stepmothers, “the predominance of the stereotype of the 'wicked stepmother' creates a stigma that places a significant strain on a stepmother's self-esteem and role enactment.” Christian says that this idea that all stepmothers are wicked is making it more difficult for both children to accept a stepmother into the family and is also making it much harder for the stepmother to feel as though she will be accepted into the family. Perhaps this idea of the always wicked stepmother is creating a vicious cycle with both children and the stepmother. The stepmother assumes the children will associate her with Cinderella’s wicked stepmother who “could not tolerate the young child” and in turn “ordered the girl to carry out all the household chores” or Hansel and Gretel’s stepmother who convinces their father to abandon them in the woods therefore the stepmother does not make an attempt at breaking through the mold of wickedness.
According to Nancy K. Recker author of “The Stepmother Myth” there are “over 900 stories written about wicked stepmothers.” Considering that these tales are so common, it is not realistic to believe that a child could not be exposed to this idea of the wicked stepmother. Because blended families are just as common as these tales, the only option for a stepmother is to show the reality of a virtuous stepmother. Instead of blaming fairy tales for ruining relationships between children and stepmothers, we need to encourage stepmothers to prove that they are not all wicked, vain and greedy but instead can be a mother that some children would have never had.
Picture is by W.C. Drupsteen.
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10 comments:
Your students always bring up some really interesting ways to look at fairy tales!
I agree entirely with Alyssa on this one. The stepmother stereotype is ingrained in our subconscious from a very early age and we are preconditioned against the idea.
So stepmothers are forced to bend over backwards to show virtuosity and kindness in a way that biological mothers don't have to.
My stepmother (who is a gem and one of my very dearest friends too now) says that she always felt like she could not say no, or not ground me or had to give in in cases where she wouldn't have done if I had been her biological child because she was worried about this preconceived notion of 'wicked stepmother'.
I think a balance needs to be struck between the two.
I learn something everytime I visit u!:) Just wanted 2 wish u and yours HAPPY HOLIDAYS;)
hmm, I wonder if the Evil Stepmother archetype is the shadow of the Good Mother in part because her main familial interest (at least initially) is the husband and not the children, a violation of the standard maternal role in the classic mother-father-child family trinity. Are there any fairy tales or marchen in which the mother is both good and sexual, social, or focused on anything besides house-keeping? Any herbalist ladies or midwife mamas - they existed, but were they recorded in the stories?
Another thought is that these tales originated from a time when young women needed dowries and young men needed a piece of the family land or business, and more children meant less of a share. When resources are strapped, life can get rough. Also, does anyone know if women could inherit property, etc., or would it go directly to the kids? Would a step-mother have a way of providing for the family if her husband died, or would she have to remarry? All important questions to think about, when you consider the family dynamics of the times, though not questions I know enough to answer...
Great post. I totally agree. The things we read to children very much influence their perception of certain things... and that is just another one of them. But what then do we do? Should our children stop reading fairy tales because there are underlying influences? Well, parents need to spend more time talking to their children bout those little facts of life
Happy Holidays!!!
I totally agree with Myth of Sisyphus when she said “a balance needs to be struck”. Not all step-mothers are jealous or evil and vindictive of her husband’s children. I think that with the numerous fairy tale stories out there representing this notion, children grow up fearing this idea. I also think the same could be applied to step-fathers or even foster parents. Basically anyone who is not the natural biological parent of a child falls into the fear of being thought of as the “wicked” step parent, and therefore are more lenient with their spouse’s children than their own, especially, if they only have weekend visitation.
I was fortunate in that my step-mother is a gem, I love her like my own mom, and my step fathers have been for the most part very accepting of me and treated me like their own.
Although I have not had the experience of being a step-mother yet, I can see how one would be more lenient on a step child to earn their love or try and keep peace in the household. I pray that if I am privileged to experience this I’ll be able to be the step-mother to my husband’s children that mine is to me.
Kristi S. T390
2. I have to agree with what Alyssa is saying here. Now days a lot of parents are getting divorced and remarrying. With young children growing up watching these movies and looking up to them, as we almost all do when we’re little, people wonder why their children stay distant from their stepmothers. I remember growing up as child and my parents divorcing when I was 3 threes old. My dad remarried and I instantly thought I was going to end up like Snow White or Cinderella. These fairy tales movies were my world and no one really explained to me the ‘real’ story. I was scared and pushed myself away from my stepmother and it put a strain on a lot of relationships with my family for quite awhile. So, I do agree that parents need to be more aware of what is going on in these fairy tales and explain to their children that real stepmothers are not like the ones we watch in the movies.
Brittany C.
I definitely agree with Alyssa that the appearance of wicked stepmothers in fairytales can have terrible effects on stepmothers, as well as stepfathers, today. It was shocking to read that there are over nine-hundred stories written about wicked stepmothers. This fact makes it certain that nearly every child is exposed to the idea of a wicked stepmother. In this way they will learn to stereotype any stepparent that they may have, but especially a stepmother. I am not an official stepmother because my boyfriend and I aren’t married, but I do live with him and his son from a previous relationship as well as with our own son. For the sake of this comment I’m going to refer to my boyfriend’s older son as my stepson. Although I care about my stepson very much and would do anything for him as if he were my own, I can definitely tell there are differences between the ways I feel I can act when it comes to my stepson and my biological son. With my stepson I always feel like I can’t tell him what to do and I can’t punish him if he does something wrong because he will then label me as his “wicked stepmom.” I feel like I’m constantly having to prove to him that I’m really nice and not this horrible person that is planning to steal his dad from him.
Tara K. T390
I feel that for some, fairytales do create a stigma for many step relationships. I know when I learned that I had a stepmother I immediately thought “Oh no she is going to hate me or do I hate her” it was a rather confusing concept. However for the most part we get along well but sometimes I feel like she is competing with me for my father’s attention, which is sad and a bit scary. I agree rather than point the blame at fairytales, stepmothers should try to just accept their fate and treat their stepchildren as if they were their own, and not worry that one child is getting more than the other. There is already enough competition between stepchildren and biological children, stepmothers just add fuel to the fire when they get involved. It is not just sad but it is pathetic, because in most cases the stepchild just wants to love the stepmother.
Now in days society is learning from movies, book, games, etc. that they don’t listen to anything else. With kids reading and watching fairy tales they do learn to treat people differently from how people treat in the stories. With having a stepmother or stepfather they might think they are going to be the same way as Cinderella’s stepmother. The stepmother has to prove to the kids and the father that she does care about the children and does want to have a normal life. The kids are the other way around, terrified of the stepmother because of watching the movies of how stepmothers are with the children. With mistreating them and having them do everything in the house, like a servant. I was surprised of how many stories there are of stepmothers, 900 stories. I have only heard a few, but I would like to read other stories how of terrible they are describing a stepparent mostly a stepmother.
I think a lot of times stepmothers want to be treated like they were their real mother and it doesn’t work that way. Maybe some kids will accept them that way but a lot of them treat them like strangers for the first time because they are not and will never be their real mother. The stepmother just has to accept being the stepmother and nothing else.
Maria G.
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